A lot of conflict can arise between people and their aging parents: this is entirely normal. When we consider that family caregivers often spend 18 hours per week caring for their parent (and potentially up to 87 hours a week for those with a parent who has dementia and is living in their home), there is a lot of time for arguments to arise. This is made much more complicated by a long line of history and unresolved conflicts, and by the role changes that occur when the caregiving roles are reversed. It can leave aging parents resistant to accept their loss of independence. You may be frightened to see your parents in this situation. While some arguments may be unavoidable, there are some ways to navigate this situation so as to limit conflict in the future.
Be Willing to Compromise. Just because you are in a caregiving role, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t consider your parent’s point of view. It can be helpful to remember that you should always consider compromising.
Don’t Be Confrontational: Ask, Don’t Tell. Approach touchy situations with caution. Perhaps the current issue at hand is that you have to take your mother’s car keys away from her. Instead of telling her that you’re taking away her keys, ask her how she is feeling about driving and if she has been having any difficulties. This allows you to approach the situation from a neutral perspective instead of from a confrontational one, which can make your parent feel less defensive. Ultimately, if you approach a touchy subject from neutral ground, your parent may be much less resistant and, in some cases, may even offer his or her own solutions.
Practice Reflexive Listening. Reflexive listening is the act of repeating what someone is saying and then offering your own solution. This is a very useful tactic for escalating arguments as it allows your parents to know they are being understood.
Remain Calm. As with any argument, always remember to stay calm. If you don’t, you run the risk of escalating the argument further, which will not improve the situation.
Bring in a Third Party. Sometimes, parents are unwilling to take advice from their children. It can be helpful to bring in a third party that your entire family trusts, such as a close family friend, to mediate the situation or to offer a fresh perspective.
You Won’t Always Agree with Their Decisions. Unless your parent is mentally impaired and their physical safety is in danger, your parents have the right to make their own decisions, even if you don’t agree with them.
C-Care Health Services offers a variety of affordable, personalized and high-quality home care services. Contact us today for more.
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What Our Customer Are Saying
Mom mom just passed away. The team at C-care was like extended family to us.....Raymond in particular. He always answered the phone, regardless of the time or day. No answering machines! He made sure he understood our needs and sent the PSW with the right skill set, to meet those needs.
Mom had dementia. Even thru this past year with the challenges of Covid19, she always had a PSW that understood how to successfully handle someone with the unique needs that dementia brings. Now our needs have changed and we just require care for my dad. Raymond will re-evaluate how are needs have changed and ensure we have the best care money can buy. In my experience with 2 other agencies, C-Care is hands down a more nurturing, better accommodating, and more caring. Don't let fancy companies fool you!! C-care is the best!!
C-Care has supported the daily care of my parents in law for over 2 years. I have been impressed with the level of care, empathy and personal affection each care-giver has shown in support of my husband's ailing parents. I have personally interacted with several PSWs and I have felt they represented the highest level of professional and ethical behavior. I have professional experience of good hiring practices as a retired HR executive and I have been impressed with C-Care case management and patient care. Great management, great patient care professionals.
Our daughter underwent spinal surgery. When I spoke with Raymond at C-Care I was under a lot of stress, when we finished talking I felt I had chosen the right place for her support. Raymond handled everything perfectly, supplying us with excellent care, his staff at C-Care are the best! I recommend this company without hesitation. Thank you Raymond.
I can't speak highly enough of the people at C-Care. Raymond and his team are nothing short of super stars. Each and every staff member I connected with was incredibly professional, patient and caring. Raymond never disappointed helping to provide scheduling for both short and long term needs. I quite simply do not know how I would have coped without him and his team.
My father suffered from Parkinson's and dementia for several years and C-Care provided 24 hour in home care for the last two years of his life. Raymond, who is in charge of operations, is committed to ensuring every caregiver is a good fit for the families they support. We had a combination of full and part time PSWs taking care of my dad. They deserve more than 5 stars. They were all reliable, warm, professional and honest. I was so happy with the company, I employed their services again for an elderly gentleman under my guardianship who was still living alone in his home. They are extremely responsive and answer emails and phone calls 7 days a week late into the night.
We were extremely happy with the quality of the caregivers. Our father was hospitalized for a week and needed support around the clock at the hospital and for the first 2 weeks at home. Raymond and Lina provided excellent people who looked after our father competently but also with compassion and sensitivity. They were an important factor in his recovery.